


Berries From a Summer Vine

by MorganEilish



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Cunnilingus, F/M, First Time, Kink Negotiation, Oral Sex, Outdoor Sex, Painful Sex, Past Prostitution, Porn With Plot, Vaginal Fingering, sexual mishap, vax is really supportive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-02-24 05:11:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13206675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganEilish/pseuds/MorganEilish
Summary: “Hi,” she said shyly. She left her hand in his and stayed perfectly still, waiting to see what he’d do. Part of her really wanted him to make some kind of a move, maybe kiss her again or run his fingers through her hair or something, she wasn’t really sure. But she was also afraid that she’d just wind up getting hurt if they started something. She had no experience here and didn’t really know what to do.Keyleth and Vax decide to take their relationship a few steps further, but something goes horribly wrong.





	1. Giving in to a Warm Caress

**Author's Note:**

> Titles from [Sweet and Wild](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=673EZbt79g0) by Dierks Bentley.

Keyleth lay in the tall grass under her large oak tree in the garden of Greyskull Keep, one hand absently combing through the stems of her wildflowers and the other running over an exposed root of the tree. Her eyes were closed and she breathed in concert with the earth around her, connecting herself to the nature around her.

Her garden was healthy and full of life, but nothing like the cultivated gardens that most nobles installed in their keep. She let it grow wild between the stone pathways. Vines climbed where they wanted to and the adjacent stone walls of their home were already half covered with ivy and roses. The grasses grew past her knees and were dotted with wildflowers. A small area closer to the kitchen was a little bit more orderly so Laina could easily find the herbs and produce she needed to cook their meals.

Her own herbs sprouted amongst the other shrubs and flowers. Bushels of lavender grew by a bench at the end of the pathway under the large magnolia tree. Chamomile and echinacea bloomed along the wooden fence. Glisfoil grew amongst the leafy bushes on either side of the pathway and wild raspberry planted itself wherever it damn well pleased.

A large pond in the centre of the garden was shadowed by a weeping willow and filled with reeds and waterlilies and wildlife. A bench sat under the willow and she’d hung a large wooden swing from a thick druidcrafted vine from one of its wider boughs. The swing was a favourite of Vex’s. She liked to curl up on it, leaning against the thick vine ropes and read while Trinket splashed about in the pond, hunting the fish that lived there for a snack.

In her meditation she felt the way her plants grew around each other. She followed along the connections between the wild raspberry and oregano bushes where their roots travelled underground and popped up in other parts of the garden. She rooted herself into the earth with her plants and let herself become sturdy and strong yet flexible and resilient.

Her plants were able to give her a lot of news about the goings on in Greyskull. They knew whether or not the keep had visitors when Vox Machina was away. They knew what Laina prepared for dinner. They told  her about the honeybees that started a hive in the magnolia tree and the rain that soaked their roots the night before. They also told her whether or not any of them were struggling, though they weren’t always able to tell her exactly what it was they needed.

The sun set around her and the evening’s breeze cooled her skin. Many of her plants began to quiet, as if going to sleep for the night now that the sun was gone and croaking frogs and chirping cricket sounds rose up to take their place.

Some of them perked up a little while later, alerting her to the presence of one of her friends wandering along the path. She stayed where she was and after a few moments, felt the grass beside her press into the earth as someone sat down beside her. A hand reached out to hold hers.

She opened her eyes and turned to see Vax sitting cross legged watching her.. He had his cloak on but wasn’t wearing his armour. His hair was half up, braided back to stay off his face. He was close, studying her face and giving her his usual sad but hopeful smile. To anyone outside their party he’d probably look completely at ease but she could tell by his posture that he was ready to stealth away if things didn’t go the way he hoped. His shoulders were curled forward in an attempt to make himself appear smaller and one hand was pressed into the grass beside him, already holding some of his weight.

“Hi,” she said shyly. She left her hand in his and stayed perfectly still, waiting to see what he’d do. Part of her really wanted him to make some kind of a move, maybe kiss her again or run his fingers through her hair or something, she wasn’t really sure. But she was also afraid that she’d just wind up getting hurt if they started something. She had no experience here and didn’t really know what to do.

She watched the tension leave his body when it became clear to him that this time she wasn’t pulling away yet. He very slowly lay down on his side, still watching her. The way he moved reminded her of his sister trying to not spook her prey when she was hunting. His hand pulled out of her fingers and slowly drifted up to her face. He leaned in and her breath stilled. His hand gently brushed a strand of hair off her face and tucked it behind her pointed ear.

Her eyes blinked closed and she nuzzled against his fingers unconsciously. His touch felt electric, like the air before a heavy thunderstorm.

“Hi,” he replied.

“Some bees started a hive in the magnolia tree,” she told him. She immediately cringed and berated herself for it but his smile just grew and he shifted closer to her as if to encourage her to continue. “And the raspberries are sprouting a new bush over by the pond. Trinket will be happy when they start to make berries in a few months.”

“I bet he will,” Vax told her. He slowly and gently wrapped his arm around her, careful to move her hair out of the way first and rolled onto his back. She tensed in his arms for a moment and he paused but then she settled her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his waist. She let one of her knees rest on his thigh and tucked herself into his side.

When she looked up at him, he was still watching her. He pressed a quick kiss into her forehead and his hand absently stroked up and down her side.

“What else did the garden have to say?” he asked her.

She told him how all her plants were doing and about the new wildlife that had moved in. He listened intently as she described the network of roots underground, asking questions about it when she paused. She wasn’t entirely certain if he was actually interested in hearing about the plants or if he was just indulging her, but he kept prompting her to continue and she was happy to have someone to talk to about it.

\---

Keyleth eventually ran out of things to tell him about her garden and Vax ran out of questions to ask her. Their quiet words gave way to rustling leaves and chirping animals and the sounds of her breathing in his arms. His chest rose and fell in concert with hers and he ran his hand slowly up and down her spine. Her head lay on his shoulder and her fingers absently traced shapes into the fabric of his shirt.

He reached up to hold her hand, running his thumb over her knuckles and pressed another kiss into the top of her head. She snuggled closer against him, settling half on top of him and tangling their legs together. He tried to keep his breathing steady, but it was difficult with the way she was slowly rolling her hips against him. He wasn’t sure she realized she was even doing it.

“Perhaps we should talk,” he said softly. “Because it seems like this could be leading somewhere and I think that’s a thing we should discuss before as opposed to avoiding each other after.”

She sighed, “You said you were mine.” She lifted herself up so she was kneeling over him, looking into his eyes, and his breath caught in the back of his throat. Her hair was a mess of tangles and leaves and her eyes were darker than usual. She looked wild and every bit as powerful as he knew she was.

“If you’ll have me, yes,” Vax said.

Keyleth nodded, biting her lip and studied him.

“I don’t know how to do this,” she admitted quietly. “I’ve never-“ she cut herself off and gave him an uncertain smile.

“Do you want to do this?” he asked her. “Because you can say no and it won’t change anything between us. I’ll still be your friend.”

“I-“ she hesitated again and he held his breath. With her sitting on him the way she was, he couldn’t just stealth away like he normally did when things got uncomfortable. He’d wonder if that was intentional but she was usually so shy about physical contact that he didn’t think she’d realized how they were positioned.

“Yes,” she finally said, so quiet it was barely audible.

Vax let out the breath he was holding and squeezed her thigh. He sat up and moved her hair off her face again. She looked down at his hand and then back up at him quickly, eyes wide and face flushed. Her body was suddenly very tense and if he had to guess, he’d say she must’ve just noticed she was straddling his leg.

“Well then,” he said, sitting up so he was inches away from her face, “there isn’t any one way to do this. We can just be honest with each other and see where it goes.”

“I’m sitting on you,” she blurted out.

He let out a chuckle and nodded, “I had noticed that. It’s kind of nice.”

“Oh,” her hands fisted in her skirts and she stayed very very still for a moment.

He didn’t do anything while she wrestled with her thoughts. She let go of her skirt and raised her hands up towards him and then hesitated, not looking him in the eye. He reached out for her hands slowly, not wanting to scare her off and also wanting to give her the chance to pull away if she wanted.

When she didn’t, Vax took her wrists in his hands and pulled her in closer so her elbows rested on his shoulders. Then he gently lay back down in the grass, pulling her with him so she was lying on top of him again, this time with her forehead pressed against his. She settled herself into him again, letting the tension leave her body and when she felt completely relaxed, continued grinding against him.

“Kiki, we can take things slow,” he said. “I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

“I want you to kiss me again,” she told him.

He blinked in surprise but then threaded a hand into her hair and pulled her to his lips. He’d kissed her several times before, usually nothing more than a quick peck. This time though, Vax had the time. This time he explored her like he did the tunnels and caverns he led the party through. This time he was thorough and meticulous, pausing to nip at her lips and slip his tongue alongside hers.

He quickly had her moaning into his mouth and shamelessly grinding against his leg. He held her firmly against him, running his hands up her sides and through her hair, marvelling at the sheer power she held within her. It wasn’t lost on him that she could tear him to shreds if she wanted to. Her raw power was part of what drew him to her and now, moving in his arms like this, she felt every bit like the tempest she was the voice of.

His blood had rushed south ages ago and he was painfully hard. He hoped she was too preoccupied to notice it, but without his armour, it wasn’t easily concealed. A loud groan escaped his mouth as she roughly brushed against it and it startled her into pulling back.

She steadied herself above him, sitting with her hands on his chest and cocked her head, reminding him of her Minxie form. He let his hands slide down her waist and settle on her hips, waiting for her to do something. She didn’t look nervous or offended. She just seemed to be debating something.

“I want you,” she finally said, and before he could process her words, she used her legs to push off and flip them so he was on top of her.

He fell forward and groaned into her neck before steadying himself, “Keyleth, are you sure?”

“I’m yours if you’ll have me,” she said, throwing his words right back at him in a breathy voice. It threw him. He’d wanted to hear her say the words for so long but never in a million years dreamed she’d sound like that when she did.

Her arms pulled his shirt out of his breaches and slid up to his chest. He rested all his weight on one arm by her head and let the other stroke up her side to rest just beside her breast.

She arched into his touch and he moaned again at how responsive she was to him. He kissed a path along her collarbone and up her neck, stopping to nibble at her earlobe. Her hands snaked around his back and pressed into his skin, pulling him down, down, down so he was fully pressed against her.

He could feel her heart pounding in her chest like waves against a cliff. Her breath was fast and shaky. She rolled her hips under him, whimpering. Then her hands moved, tugging on his shirt, pulling it and his cloak over his head. He paused his ministrations to sit up and help her get them off him. She looked up at him like he’d hung the moon in the sky and slowly traced her palms along his exposed skin. In return, he unlaced the ties on her dress, freeing her small breasts and bent down once more to explore her body with his lips.

\---

His lips against her skin felt better than a healing spell from Pike. She felt alive - more so than she ever had before. His hands were so sure and every time he paused it was to look for her permission to continue.

She chased after him when he shifted back off of her body, whimpering as he pulled away. His hands gathered in the fabric of her skirts where he knelt between her legs and he looked down at her.

“May I?” he asked.

She bit her lip and nodded.

Slowly, he pushed her skirts up her legs until they pooled around her hips, exposing her damp curls. He slowly bent and pressed a kiss to the side of one knee, and then the other. He began gently sucking and nipping down her inner thighs, his hands following the path his lips took, holding her open for him. Another pause to look up at her, his face framed between her pale thighs and with a nod from her he lowered himself to where she needed him. Her hands fisted in the grass under her when he suddenly licked a stripe along her aching cunt. He hummed against her when she cried out and arched her back.

She’d never felt anything like it before. His tongue ran along her folds and he brought her clit into his mouth and sucked on it. He teased her until her knees were shaking and she brought one of her hands to tangle in his hair, holding him against her. She felt like the air before the lightning struck, the forest fire clearing way for fresh growth, like the water being pulled from shore before a tidal wave crashed and drowned everything. It was powerful and awe inspiring and she didn’t want it to stop.

Then suddenly she felt a stabbing pain at her entrance that brought tears to her eyes. She tried to breathe through it and not let him know that it hurt her, remembering being told that for women sex can hurt the first time, but it was too much. Her legs tensed up and and she shoved him off backing away gasping. He let go immediately, apologies already falling from his lips. She curled herself in a ball against the trunk of her oak tree, covering her body in shame.

“What did you do?” she hissed at him. Her hands lit up in her anger and tears spilled down her cheeks.

He crawled closer to her, hands up in surrender and knelt by her feet, “I’m sorry, I was trying to go slow. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Did you use your knife?” she asked.

He gave her a puzzled look and dropped his hands to his lap, “No of course not. That was just my finger. Why would I?”

“That’s what it felt like,” she said, her voice growing small. She looked down at her flaming hands and took a shaky breath, willing them to go out. She knew Vax would never have done anything to intentionally harm her, but whatever he’d done hurt a lot.

Vax offered her one of his hands and she hesitated before taking it and then moving into his arms to lean against him. He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair slowly, murmuring soothing nonsense while she sobbed into his chest.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

He pulled back and tilted her chin up so she’d look him in the eyes, “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

She shook her head and sniffled, wiping the back of her hand across her tear soaked cheeks, “I ruined it.”

“Kiki, you didn’t ruin anything. You did nothing wrong.”

“What you were doing felt really good and then it really hurt. Like being stabbed,” she said. “Vex said it might hurt the first time, but I didn’t think it’d be nearly that bad.”

Vax studied her a moment before responding, “I don’t really know much about that but I don’t think sex is supposed to make you feel like you’re being stabbed. That might be something we ask Pike about in the morning. For now, why don’t we just get you cleaned up and into bed.”

Keyleth sniffled again and nodded, “Only, I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Vax smiled and stood up, pulling her with him, “I’d be happy to stay and snuggle with you if that’s what you want.”

She smiled and nodded, leaning against him as he led her into the keep.


	2. Your Eyes Never Were So Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time in a long time he felt way out of his depths. He’d never hurt a partner before unless they specifically asked him for it. And the way she described how it felt, he was surprised she trusted him enough to still let him into her bed. When she’d pushed him off, shoving herself away from him, he had been so certain that he’d irredeemably fucked up and she’d never speak to him again. He wouldn’t blame her if she had.
> 
> Keyleth seeks advice from Pike and Vax has a chat with Vex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from [The Measure of Things](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDMXMfA2gfc) by NightLab.

Waking up with her in his arms was everything. They had climbed into her bed after he brushed the grass and leaves from her hair and she changed into a nightgown. He kept his leggings on but left the rest of his clothes in a pile on her floor.

Her room was much more colourful than his. Countless plants grew from pots scattered around. Dried bunches of herbs hung along string from the exposed rafters and instead of tapestries, flowering vines climbed their way up the stone walls. Her rugs were made of moss and she kept an alchemy set on her desk. Notebooks were stacked in piles around the room and a bookcase sat in one corner filled with books on the various flora from every place they’d visited and a few they hadn’t yet. Candles sat in melted and hardened pools of wax on every surface, and a large cushioned seat sat beneath the window, separated from the rest of the room by gauzy curtains that fluttered in the breeze.

His body was curled around hers, spooning against her back. Her hair was tangled around his face, in his nose and mouth but he didn’t mind. He breathed in her raw earthy scent and wrapped his arms tighter around her, nuzzling his face into the space between her shoulder blades.

The night before had gone far better than he’d ever expected until he hurt her. He’d been with women before, men too, some because he liked them and some because he’d do whatever it took to keep himself and Vex off the streets and fed.

For the first time in a long time he felt way out of his depths in that area though. He’d never hurt a partner before unless they specifically asked him for it. And the way she described how it felt, he was surprised she trusted him enough to still let him into her bed. When she’d pushed him off, shoving herself away from him, he had been so certain that he’d irredeemably fucked up and she’d never speak to him again. He wouldn’t blame her if she had.

But she asked him to stay. She told him she didn’t want to be alone. She let him kiss the tears from her eyes and rested her head on his chest after. She told him he sounded like the ocean, his heartbeat a steady roar. He told her she smelled like the forest, rich soil and wet leaves. They fell asleep tangled in the blankets and each other.

She stirred as he began idly tracing his fingers across her stomach. The sunlight streaming from her window fell across her freckled shoulders and he wanted to draw constellations on her skin. He wanted every morning to be like this, her in his arms, surrounded by sunlight and plants.

“Good morning,” he said into her skin, pressing a kiss into her back.

“Morning,” she grumbled a little and shifted, placing a hand over his and squeezing it before stretching and climbing out of bed to get ready for the day.

He chased her to give her one last kiss before letting her go and falling back into the mattress to watch her go about her morning routine. He smiled as she greeted a couple of the plants while changing into her clothes. She struggled around people, but he loved how comfortable she acted around the natural world, how much power she just casually controlled. He liked when she got excited about learning a new spell, and how, after using it a few times, she’d become completely nonchalant about the whole thing. He wondered what it’d be like to have that much magic flowing through his veins.

\---

She found Pike in her temple the next morning after breakfast. The gnome was kneeling in prayer, so Keyleth slipped in and tended to the plants silently rather than interrupting her. She gave them water and coaxed a few droopy leaves back to life, distracting herself from the awkward conversation she was about to try to have.

Vax had offered to go with her, pressing kisses between her shoulder blades when she climbed out of his arms. She told him she’d rather do it alone. She wasn’t sure it was a conversation she was comfortable having on her own but she felt like she’d be less comfortable if he were there with her. Not because she thought Pike would judge her. Pike was the least judgemental and most understanding person she knew. But sex wasn’t a thing she ever talked about and now she was worried that maybe there was something wrong with her. She didn’t want Vax there when she found out there was. He deserved better than a broken lover.

“Good morning Keyleth,” Pike smiled up at her while she checked on the potted lavender.

“Hi Pike,” she smiled back. “I had a uh something I wanted to ask you.” She began fidgeting with the pot, shifting it around on the table.

Pike nodded and took her hand, leading her to a bench to sit down. Keyleth looked up at the statue of Sarenrae in the centre of the room and sighed. She wasn’t sure she believed in the gods, and she was definitely not a fan of religion in general, but she didn’t think a temple was the best place to have this conversation. Outside would be better. Outside was usually better for her. But for this, well, sex was meant to be a natural part of life for those who enjoyed it, what better place than among nature to have that discussion?

She looked back to Pike who was standing in front of her holding her hands and giving her an encouraging look. Keyleth felt her face flush and she pulled one of her hands away to nervously tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

“Is everything okay Keyleth?” Pike asked. Her brows knitted together over the bridge of her nose making the smallest little wrinkle.

“Can- can we go outside for this?” she asked. Her voice was a lot smaller than she was expecting and she checked that her hair was tucked behind her ear again, unable to look Pike in the eye.

Pike just patted her hand gently and nodded in understanding. She waited for Keyleth to get up and led her out the back door of the temple into Keyleth’s garden.

They walked along the path to the large swing by the pond and Keyleth pulled her up onto it so they were sitting together facing each other. Pike knelt by her legs and she leaned back against the sturdy vines. The noises of her garden calmed her a little and she breathed in the scent of the grass and wet soil. Long leafy branches hung over them, providing a canopy that obscured their view of the keep. She used a cantrip to create a light gust of air that rocked the swing gently.

“Vax and I were out here last night,” she started, staring at her lap and fiddling with the leaves embroidered along the hem of her skirt. Pike listened as she stumbled her way through explaining what happened. How he’d taken his time, made sure she was comfortable and okay with everything he was doing. How he asked her several times if she was sure. How he made her feel safe. Pike was encouraging and excited for her at first and then when she explained what went wrong, began making sympathetic sounds and patting her fidgeting hands every time she got stuck.

Her face felt hot and even though she knew if she looked up at the gnome, she’d be greeted with compassion and concern, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

“It’s just, everything felt amazing, and then suddenly it felt like I was being stabbed. I knew it might hurt but I didn’t think it’d be that bad,” she finished.

“Hmmm,” Pike tooks her hands in her small ones and gripped them tightly. “Well it can be a little painful if your partner doesn’t make sure you’re really ready, but what you’ve described doesn’t sound like that’s all it was. It should never hurt that much.”

Keyleth looked up at her, eyes watering, “Do you think- is something wrong with me?”

“No! Of course not!” Pike took her hand and pulled her in for a hug.

Keyleth didn’t resist. Even if she had though, Pike was deceptively strong for her size. She sagged against the smaller woman’s chest and let Pike hold her, stroking her hair and repeatedly telling her that there was nothing wrong with her, she wasn’t broken or damaged, and everything would be okay. Her breathing was ragged and despite her best efforts, she was soaking Pike’s shoulder with her tears.

When she calmed down, she pulled back away from Pike, sniffling and wiping her face with the hem of her dress. Pike gave her a thoughtful look.

“Well, I have a couple thoughts on what this could be. Mind if I try a little spell? I have Detect Poison and Disease. Just in case it’s something serious, that way we’ll know a restoration will treat it.”

She nodded, “Do you need to see or does it work like a restoration spell?”

“No, it’s an area of effect,” Pike responded. “So it’ll also tell me if there’s anything around us as well, and where it is. But I need a yew leaf.”

Keyleth focused for a moment and waved her hand over Pike’s lap, producing a single leaf for her. She waited silently as Pike set up the ritual space, drawing a few symbols into the dirt while clasping her holy symbol and whispering in Celestial. She placed the leaf in the centre of the symbols and closed her eyes, finishing her chant. The symbols flashed with a golden light and Pike opened her eyes, the irises now glowing gold as well.

Pike reached out for her hand and she gave it. It felt like the gnome was looking right through her, like she could see every mistake, every horrible thought, every sin that Keyleth had committed. She knew that wasn’t what the spell was looking for, but it still made her want to shrink into herself in shame. She fought the need and stayed perfectly still, figuring that’d make things easier for Pike.

After a moment, Pike blinked and waved her hand and her eyes faded to their natural brown. Her brows knitted back together and she started chewing on her lower lip.

“I didn’t find anything,” she said.

Keyleth sighed in relief but then sank at the realization that whatever was wrong probably couldn’t be solved with a spell. She started thinking that maybe there was something wrong with her. If she wasn’t sick, and the pain she experienced wasn’t normal, then that must be it. If she wasn’t sick, then she should be able to do this completely natural thing that pretty much every woman that came before her had managed to do just fine.

She curled up in a ball on the swing again and focused on her breathing, trying to calm herself before she started crying again.

“Keyleth, no,” Pike must’ve known where her thoughts were going because she climbed back onto the swing and stood over her, wrapping her arms around Keyleth. “I might have something about this is one of my books, why don’t we go to my room and we can check, okay? That was just the first thing we needed to rule out.”

Keyleth nodded and let Pike pull her off the swing and back into the keep. She wasn’t sure how she was going to tell Vax if it turned out whatever it was was something serious.

\---

They didn’t have work for the day so he promised Vex he’d help her with training Trinket. She wanted her bear to be a little better at finding hidden enemies. He suspected that the day would result in more than a few scrapes and bruises, but it was Vex. He could never say no to her.

She must’ve caught him and Keyleth leaving her room for breakfast because when he got to the training grounds, she was full of jokes and comments about it. He gave her a tight smile and brushed them off, greeting her bear by letting him lick his face to avoid her questions. That only seemed to prompt more though.

“Cool it, Stubby,” he finally said.

She cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. “I take it it didn’t go well then? What’s the matter, couldn’t find it?” she teased.

He shook his head and stealthed away, darting from shadow to shadow and hiding behind trees and targets and waited for her to send Trinket to find him.

“You know I’ll get you to talk about it at some point, brother!” she called out after him.

He stayed where he was, lying on the ground pressed between hay bales painted to look like bullseyes. It took Trinket a couple minutes to find him, and he gave the bear a treat before doing it again.

He and Vex kept that up with Trinket for a few hours until she decided that it was enough training for one day and climbed up on top of the bales offering him hard cheese and half a loaf of bread for lunch. He climbed up after her poking fun at her need to always be up high. Trinket curled up under them, watching carefully in case they dropped any food for him.

“Really though brother, what happened last night?” Vex asked. “You know I can tell when something’s wrong.”

“I am nowhere near drunk enough for this conversation,” he responded.

“I’ve got just the thing for that,” she said, handing him a flask of firewater. He took a swig from it and handed it back to her. They passed it back and forth until it was finished and she prodded him again.

He sighed, rubbing his temples and leaned against her, thinking how best to word it and what he could tell her that wouldn’t violate Keyleth’s privacy. She hadn’t told him not to tell Vex what happened and probably knew that the twins didn’t keep much from each other, but it just seemed private.

“Do you remember your first time?” he finally asked.

She wrinkled her nose, “Unfortunately.” Then here eyes widened and she shoved him, “Wait, she wasn’t your first, was she?”

“You know damn well she wasn’t.”

Vex rolled her eyes and gave him a pointed look, “Well I know you’ve had some experiences with men before, I didn’t exactly keep track of your dalliances though.”

“Men, women, didn’t usually matter as long as they had coin,” he said quietly.

Her brows knit together at that and he could practically see her doing the mental math required to figure out how often he took lovers to feed them. He’d never outright told her that’s what he was doing before and she rarely asked where money came from, as long as she knew where it was going. At the time he figured she must’ve suspected something but confirming those suspicions would just make her tell him to stop. She would’ve told him that there were other ways to acquire gold and that it wasn’t worth it. And after they found Vox Machina and became stable enough that he didn’t need to anymore, it didn’t seem worth mentioning.

“Were they all for money?” she finally asked him.

“Mostly,” he shrugged. “Not all. That’s not really important though. Why unfortunately?”

“I think it is.”

They both grew quiet. He tore pieces of bread off his half loaf and tossed them down to Trinket who eagerly caught them in his jaws. She pulled her old coin purse off her belt and stared at it in her hands. He’d picked it off a stranger in a tavern a couple weeks after they’d left Syngorn and handed it to her. It’d had just enough coin to get them a room for a week in a rougher part of town.

“He just didn’t know what he was doing,” she said quietly. “It was messy and rushed and he didn’t bother to make sure I enjoyed it.”

“Did it hurt?” he asked.

“A little,” she said. “Wasn’t too bad.”

“Was it comparable to being stabbed?”

She gave him a strange look at that question and he just waited for an answer.

“I mean, it didn’t feel nice, but I wouldn’t say it was that bad.”

He sighed and nodded, moving to hop off the hay bale. She grabbed his arm and he let her stop him and pull him back to her side.

“Alright, enough dancing around it,” she said forcefully. “You’re drunk, I’m drunk, tell me what happened.”

He sank back into himself and took a deep breath. He told her how he’d found Keyleth in her garden meditating and sat down with her, just wanting to sit and chat. How he expected her to pull away from him again when he took her hand and how surprised he was when she let him lie beside her and hold her while she told him about the garden. He said how he was even more surprised when she asked him to kiss her and told him that she was his if he wanted her.

“So where did it go wrong?” she asked when she was done pretending to gag.

“I hurt her,” he said. “I was taking my time and trying to make her feel good, and it was working and then-” he shrugged.

When Vex kept staring at him expectantly he sighed. “It was just a finger and she asked me if it was one of my daggers.”

“Oh,” she said.

Neither of them really had an answer for that so they just sat in silence for a while longer, leaning on each other and watching the clouds move past.

\---

Pike’s room was decorated with an eclectic mix of torture devices stolen from various dungeons they’d raided, mementos from her time sailing, and Sarenrae imagery. She had a messily crocheted blanket bunched up on the end of her bed that matched the yarn she’d seen Grog stash in his bag of holding a while back. Her bookshelf had more knick knacks on it than books.

Keyleth admired the spyglass she had mounted on the wall while she went over and thumbed through one of the larger books. It wasn’t as flashy as the one Percy carried with him, more functional than anything, but Pike was usually more about function than appearance in her purchases anyways. She didn’t keep much for herself, and most of the knick knacks she had Keyleth remembered seeing Grog gift her after a kill or for Winter’s Crest.

“Okay okay okay okay okay,” Pike said mostly to herself as she found the page she was looking for.

Keyleth turned around to look at her, but she was still skimming through the text on the page she was on. She sat on the bed and waited patiently for Pike to find something that might help.

“So the good news is, this isn’t actually uncommon,” Pike said. “And there are ways of trying to work past it if that’s what you want, but you don’t have to in order to have a satisfying sex life.”

“So what’s wrong with me?”

Pike took her hand again, “Keyleth it’s really important that you don’t look at this as something that’s wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you. I don’t want you thinking that you’re broken or need fixing. Understand?”

Keyleth nodded because there really wasn’t anything else she could do. Pike was giving her that Mom look she usually reserved for Grog when he was about to do something she didn’t approve of.

“Good,” she said. “So what it seems like is probably happening is your body tenses up and your muscles contract which makes penetration really painful and sometimes impossible. It’s your body’s way of trying to protect you.”

“But it’s Vax,” Keyleth said. “He doesn’t want to hurt me.”

“Well, that may be true, but it’s possible there’s something inside you that’s still afraid he might. Or, it could be related to a previous trauma you’ve experienced?”

They’d all dealt with some degree of trauma. It came with the territory of adventuring. She couldn’t think of anything that might affect her sexually though. No one had ever touched her in a way she didn’t want them to. Her best guess was that she might still be hung up on her significantly longer lifespan and afraid of watching Vax grow old and die far sooner than she ever will.

“In any case,” Pike said, “things like this are often just as much a mental issue as they are a physical one. But if you want to try to overcome it, there are a few things that might help.”

“Like what?”

“This is going to be a personal question,” Pike started, “but have you ever touched yourself?”

Keyleth nodded, her face feeling hot again and Pike continued asking her questions about it. She asked if she used her hand or something else, whether or not Keyleth had ever inserted anything into herself, and if she’d come from it. Keyleth did her best to answer honestly and elaborated when Pike asked her to. She knew Pike wouldn’t judge her for it, but it was still something she wasn’t used to talking about, even though her people were generally pretty open about sex.

Pike suggested she try fingering herself. She said she should take it slow and if it really hurts, not to force anything. She suggested using oil to make it easier and less painful, and told her where in town she could go to get some designed specifically for that. Keyleth couldn’t look her in the eye while she was being told this, but paid close attention to what she was saying.

Pike also told her to talk with anyone she was considering sleeping with about it. She put on her Mom face again and told her that it was important to discuss her limits with a partner, to never let someone do something to her that she wasn’t comfortable with, and that if a partner had an issue with where her limits were, they weren’t worth Keyleth’s time. And she told her that if anyone did anything she wasn’t comfortable with, or if she ever needed someone to talk to about it, her door was always open.

Keyleth nodded again and thanked her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She left Pike’s room with a lot to consider and made her way to her room to think about it.


	3. Gentle on my Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vax stood frozen outside her door, his hand hovering over it poised to knock. He wanted to make sure she was okay. She missed dinner and no one had seen her since the morning. But he wasn’t sure she’d want to see him. Her letting him in last night didn’t mean things would be okay between them tonight.
> 
> Vax and Keyleth try to navigate their newfound dynamic while being respectful of each other's wants and boundaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for taking forever to update this. I got a little stuck and then I got a little distracted.

Vax stood frozen outside her door, his hand hovering over it poised to knock. He wanted to make sure she was okay. She missed dinner and no one had seen her since the morning. But he wasn’t sure she’d want to see him. Her letting him in last night didn’t mean things would be okay between them tonight.

His sister passed him while he was standing there, but aside from a look and a pat on the shoulder, she didn’t say anything. It was for the best. They’d said more than enough earlier.

He was about to try talking himself up to knocking for the eighth time when the door opened and Keyleth looked back at him surprised. “Oh. Hi,” she said. “I was just gonna- Uh you know? Want to?” She gestured awkwardly into her room and stepped out of the door frame.

Her eyes were red and her smile didn’t quite reach them. He followed her inside and pressed a kiss to her cheek. She closed the door behind them and led him by the hand to her window seat.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

She curled up on the cushions and rested her head on her knees. He knelt on the ground looking up at her, his arm leaning on the seat beside her.

“I talked to Pike,” she said. “I don’t-” She stopped herself an sighed, drawing in a shaky breath.

Vax didn’t say anything. He just waited for her to gather her thoughts and continue. She placed her hand on top of his and looked at him with glassy eyes.

“What if I’m not normal?” she asked.

“Then you’d be like the rest of us,” he answered with an easy smile. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but no one in our group is normal. Grog thinks he’s a wizard, Scanlan wanders around eating chicken with no pants on, my sister’s son is a bear and she hoards gold like a dragon. Percy still hasn’t told us what he was doing in that prison Vex stole him from. I’m weirdly fascinated by the way you turn into animals and Pike has a thing for torture devices. We routinely crawl into the darkest, most dangerous situations for fun. Nothing about that is normal.”

Keyleth wiped her eyes on her sleeve and laughed at that and it reminded him of leaves rustling in the wind. It was gentle and natural. It brightened the room but was short lived. He’d do anything to make her do it again.

Instead, he clasped one of her ankles and gently nudged it until she readjusted herself and let him pull her foot down into his lap. He firmly ran his thumbs over the top of her foot from her toes up to her ankle a few times before moving on to knead her sole. She closed her eyes and hummed, letting the silence fall around them.

He didn’t push her into sharing what she was thinking. He watched her uncurl and the tension leave her shoulders as he worked his way from her toes up her calf. He pressed a kiss to her ankle and moved on to her other foot while she absently curled her fingers through his hair and looked out her window.

“There’s a chance I might never be able to have sex like everyone else,” she finally said, turning to look at him. Her voice was quiet, like she was almost hoping he wouldn’t hear her.

“That’s okay,” he replied.

She frowned at that, studying him. “You say that now, but what happens when you get bored? I hear how men talk about these things. What is the point in being with me if you can’t actually be with me?”

Vax took a deep breath and tried to come up with the right response. He was a little hurt that she’d think so little of him, but he understood this wasn’t about him. It was about her fears and insecurities. He pushed his feelings aside for the moment and thought about what she said.

“Kiki, I love you. Not because I thought you might fuck me, but because you’re a wonderful person worth loving. Honestly when I came looking for you last night, I wasn’t expecting any of this. I just wanted to be near you. I like being near you. You’re warm, like the sun. And you care so much about everything and everyone around you.”

—-

Keyleth sighed and pulled her leg out of his grasp. She tucked it under her and lay down on her side, her face inches from his. He pressed his forehead against hers and she closed her eyes for a moment.

She knew he honestly believed that he’d still be happy with her even if they couldn’t have sex. But she couldn’t be certain that it’d stay that way for long. Her experience in these matters was limited, but she knew how people talked about these things, and she overheard discussions from members of her tribe growing up that suggested there was really only so long a partner will tolerate being with you if you don’t sleep with them.

Pike told her there were ways she could try to overcome this particular limitation, but that it could take a while and might not necessarily work. She hadn’t acted on it yet. Going into a shop that specializes in potions and gadgets designed to be used specifically for sexual purposes was definitely something she might have to work up to. Plus the idea of putting her fingers inside herself sounded messy and frankly less efficient than her usual ways of getting herself off when she needed to.

“What’s going on up there?” Vax asked her softly. He always gave her the same apologetic smile when he asked her a question. Like he was worried he might come across as demanding or pushy and was sorry he interrupted her thoughts. She wasn’t sure what his experiences were in the dating department. She knew he’d been with others before, but it sometimes felt like they were the blind leading the blind.

Keyleth bit her lip and picked at the piping around the window seat cushion. If she told him what she was thinking about, then she’d have to let him know that maybe she could be fixed. And what if she kept trying and it didn’t get any better, but he was still expecting it to? It was Vax though, and maybe he’d be willing to help her if she asked?

“I just,” she paused, looking him in the eye, “I don’t want to get your hopes up, because I wasn’t lying when I said there was a chance I might not be able to fix myself b-”

“You don’t need to be fixed,” Vax interrupted her.

She shook her head and waved him off. “Anyways, Pike did have some suggestions about things I could do that might help, I’m just not sure if I’m ready to try them, and there’s still a chance it won’t make a difference.”

“Keyleth, I need you to listen to me,” Vax sounded very serious. He placed a hand on her cheek and tilted her head so she was looking right at him again. “If you aren’t ready to do whatever Pike suggested right now, that’s okay. If you’re never ready to try it, that’s okay. If you try and it doesn’t work, that’s okay too. I don’t want you doing anything you’re not comfortable with. Understand?”

“But-”

“No, no buts,” he interrupted her again. “You are the only person who has any say over what happens with your body. No one else. So if you don’t want to do anything, then don’t do it. This is important.”

Keyleth sighed. She felt behind her nose burning and she blinked her eyes closed to stop from crying again. “Okay,” she said, turning her face away from him, into the cushion.

Vax stood up and bent over her, slipping his arms under her body. She let him lift her up and settle on the bench with her legs over his lap and her head on his shoulder. She turned her head into his neck and took a deep, shaky breath. He smelled mostly like leather, and vaguely like the cedar soap she’d made everyone for Winter’s Crest a few months back.

His tunic was soft with wear and starting to get a little threadbare in places. She let her hands wander over the tears he’d patched up, running her fingers along the seams. His hair brushed against her forehead when he leaned down to press kisses into her hair and he began gently rocking her back and forth.

“I love you,” he whispered. “And I’ll do this however you want.”

She pulled back to look at him and he wiped the tears from her eyes again. “Will- will you kiss me again?”

He smiled brightly and threaded a hand into her hair. “Of course,” he said before leaning in to kiss her softly.

She snaked her hands around the back of her neck and held him against her, twining her fingers in his hair. He moaned into her lips when her fingers curled and she accidentally tugged his hair. She slipped her tongue into his open mouth and pulled harder, exploring him hungrily. She could taste firewater in his kiss and giggled thinking how little it took for her to feel drunk on his lips.

She pressed herself closer to his chest and pulled his hair again, loving the way his moans shot straight to her core. She could feel herself getting wet and she wanted so much. She moved a hand to press against the handprint he had her burn into his back.

After a few minutes, he reached up and grabbed her wrists, gently prying her off of him. His pupils were blown and he bowed his head on her shoulder to catch his breath. “We really need to discuss limits first Kiki,” he said roughly. “I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or hurts you.”

“Pike might have mentioned that,” Keyleth said thoughtfully.

\---

It took everything he had to disengage from her. He wanted so badly to keep letting her kiss him and explore him. She pulled his hair and he wanted to pick her up so she was straddling his lap again. But instead he made everything stop. He needed her to tell him exactly what she wanted from him before he was willing to continue this.

He could tell she didn’t believe he was fine with her limits. And he could understand why she might feel that way. There were a lot of men out there who might fight her on it. Might insult her or try to take what they wanted anyways. A lot of men who lacked the compassion, skill or imagination required to understand there way more than one way to be intimate with someone.

“I need you to tell me in words exactly what you are and are not okay with,” he said.

“What about what you want?” She asked him. He started to say it wasn’t as important, that he’d be happy with whatever she wanted to give him but she stopped him and said, “Why don’t we take turns?”

Vax nodded, “But if anyone says something that the other isn’t comfortable with doing, it’s off the table, yes?” He gestured for her to go first.

Keyleth looked past his shoulder out the window a moment, lost in thought. “I like kissing you,” she eventually said. “And it was nice waking up with you there.”

Vax couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. Waking up with her in his arms was more than he could’ve imagined. He’d doubted he’d be given the opportunity again and here she was shyly asking him if he’d mind doing it again.

“I’d love that,” he said, taking her hands in his. “And I’d like to eat you out again, if you’re okay with that. No fingers, I promise. Just my mouth.”

He watched as a flush bloomed across Keyleth’s face and down to her chest. She looked away and pulled a hand from his grip to start nervously tucking her hair behind her ear. But she was smiling, so he felt confident he wasn’t speaking out of turn or crossing a line.

“I- That would be- yeah,” she stumbled over her words. A moment later a concerned look crossed her face. “But I don’t know how to return the favour. I’ve never-“ she cut herself off and gestured towards his crotch.

Vax shrugged, “You don’t have to. I just really enjoyed tasting you.”

Keyleth frowned at him, “But if I want to?”

“Kiki, there are very few things I wouldn’t let you do to me,” he said softly. “If that’s what you want, we can certainly try.”

“That’s what I want,” she said. “I want to make you feel like the clouds before it pours. How do I do that?”

Vax blinked at her. He’d never heard it put that way, but it was an apt description. He thought for a moment, wanting to word his response in a way that wouldn’t make her feel obligated to do anything she didn’t want.

“That’ll depend on what you’re comfortable with,” he said. “Some people like to use their hands. Or you could use your mouth. Or I wouldn’t mind if you fucked me. If you wanted to, that is.”

“I fu- oh! Like use Alter Self so I have-?” she gestured again towards his crotch.

Vax’s breath hitched. “I hadn’t considered using your magic in bed,” he said. Though now that she’d mentioned it, it would definitely beat her using a toy on him.

Keyleth’s lips slowly curled into a grin, “You look like you’re considering it now.”

He wanted that almost as much as he wanted to wake up beside her again. But he also didn’t want her to feel pressured.

“If it’s something you want to try, I wouldn’t say no.”

Keyleth looked thoughtful for a moment. “I might need to work up to that,” she said. “And I’m not sure if the spell with hold long or if it’ll function like yours does.”

Vax nodded. “Well if you ever change your mind and want to test it out, let me know, I’d be more than happy to try.”

She smiled softly and stroked her fingers through his hair, studying his face. He leaned in to her touch, closing his eyes after a moment and leaning in to her warmth. He didn’t want to push her. He’d never felt this way about another person before. Sure he’d cared deeply for Gilmore, probably even loved him. But this felt different and he did not want to fuck it up.

Her hand stopped stroking his hair, fingers just tangling in it and going still. He looked up at her to see her still studying his face.

“You like it when I pull your hair,” she said. It wasn’t a question. She said it as matter of factly as if she were telling him that trees have leaves and the sky was blue.

Her hand was still tangled in his hair. It’d take nothing for her to tighten her grip and render him completely pliant. He felt his cock stir at the idea but he did his best to ignore it.

“Yes,” he said.

She let go and he tried not to show his disappointment. Now wasn’t the time for that. There was more to discuss.

“I don’t-” she stopped herself and took a breath. “I don’t know what else I like. I haven’t tried anything else.”

“That’s okay,” Vax said. “We can figure it out together, if you want.”

She nodded and then frowned, looking at her hands thoughtfully. “If we try something and I don’t like it-” she trailed off.

“Then you tell me to stop and we stop,” he said, taking her hands in his. “Kiki, I need you to understand that you are in full control of what happens to your body. I never want you to feel like you’d be disappointing me by telling me no. I’d be more disappointed to hear that I did something that made you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.”

She nodded again. “Can we just cuddle tonight? I have a lot to think about.”

He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. “Of course.”

She climbed out of his arms and moved over to her bed, pulling him behind her by the wrist. He eagerly followed. She gestured for him to climb in and he did, laying down on his back with his head on her pillow. She crawled in after him, resting her head on his chest and her arm around his waist and covering them both with her blankets.

He let his hands gently tangle in her hair, feeling her weight grounding him, matching his breaths to the rise and fall of her chest. He pressed a kiss into her hair and smiled when she let out a contented hum. This was more than he’d ever hoped he’d get.


End file.
